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John57
My Weather
My Garden
My Time
| | Posted on Thursday, January 25, 2007 - 09:42 pm EST : |   
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Peas used to walk down those rows, look up, and say “Yeah, that’s the kind of thing I’d like to climb.”
Now, that’s the way to judge the quality of your workmanship!
Ask the vegetables that are actually going to use it!
Because what usually happens is……
We walk out into the garden with our latest acquisition and we say “This is a great plant and I’m going to stick it there, and in a few seasons it’s going to look great!”
And then..
A few weeks later..
We walk out into the garden and say “J___s H. C____t, where did it go?”..
Which is usually followed by
“I paid good money for that thing, and the only thing it could do was go out there and die!”
This entire, unfortunate, and deeply emotional issue could have been easily avoided..
If we had simply asked the _______ [plant, vegetable, flower, conifer, tree, etc.]
“Where would you like to be planted?”
_______________________________________________
I mean, if you were to stumble across a tremblingly beautiful little pot of Tibetan Blue Poppies..
And asked them “Well, where do we put you?”
They would probably say something like “Well, thank you for asking! I personally would like to reside in that quiet little woodland glade at the edge of the Sculpture Garden on the Lawn in the VanDusen Botanical Gardens in Vancouver, BC.”
Were that the case, you would look at them and say something remotely close to “If that’s where you would like to be, why are you sitting on a nursery bench in Oklahoma City?”
This poppy, were it in a benevolent and compassionate mood, would look you right squarely in the eye and tell you “I’m sitting here because some upwardly mobile young guppy [yuppy?, puppy?] in national corporate headquarters didn’t have a f_____g clue what I was or what I needed. But, He did know that Oklahoma City was running out of plants, and he did know that me & my friends were on the verge of blooming, and he did know that those bozo’s in Oklahoma City would buy anything in bloom, because he did know that they [deep in their hearts] were just like him. So he shipped us here!”
Then that tantalizingly, strikingly, singularly, uniquely, never-to-be-repeated beauty would look up at you and mumble..
“You’re going to buy me anyway, aren’t you?”
And you will look back and reply in the kindest and gentlest of tones..
“Well, you are gorgeous, and my friends would love you, and I am going to have a garden party this weekend, so I would have to say Yes to that question.”
In retort to which the poppy would think, but not say, “Well, what’s going to become of me?”
And you would reply, without even realizing that you had been asked, “Well, you know, there are so many of you, and this party is very special to me, and if you die there will always be another one of you sitting around as a replacement, and if you don’t work out, there are always a lot of others like you I could plant instead. You see, I am the Gardener, and I know what’s best for me & my garden. It is my garden, you know! And I can do anything I want with it, because I’m human and you’re just a plant!”
To which the plant would reply, in a stunned yet clear voice, “Father, forgive them for they….well, at least you know..”
This could be why, in a film called Dream Windows, Toru Takemitsu said "One should simply sit and look at a garden.
What you see depends on what you bring to it."
John57
- Oklahoma,
Zone "7a"
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Terryk
My Weather
My Garden
My Time
| | Posted on Friday, January 26, 2007 - 08:02 am EST : |
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An enjoyable article John, I may not have bought that special plant for a party but I am have been know to buy a thing or two and not think first about the plant's needs.
Terryk
- NY,
Zone "6"
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Periwinkle
My Garden Journal
My Weather
My Garden
My Time
| | Posted on Friday, January 26, 2007 - 08:41 am EST : |
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Omigosh, that was delightful!!
Denise--Northern Wisconsin, Z3b
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Gardenfiend
My Weather
| | Posted on Friday, January 26, 2007 - 11:41 am EST : |
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A wonderful start to the new "magazine"! A story with human (or vegetable) interest. I really enjoyed it, and I recognised its horticultural universality. Different city, different continent, different examples - same principle. How often have I seen gorgeously flowering plants in garden centres bearing the sign "perennial", but lacking another saying "I am not hardy anywhere north of Sicily".
Gardenfiend
- Germany,
Zone "7a"
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Gardenbug
| | Posted on Friday, January 26, 2007 - 01:04 pm EST : |
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Hey, a new spot to enjoy!
So many "treat as an annual" tags in this area too...
But I will add that blue poppies have lasted in my creekside bed for 3 or so years at a time...and their first returns and blooms produced a major GHASP of delight from me.
Gardenbug
- Ontario,
Zone "4/5"
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Loretta
| | Posted on Friday, January 26, 2007 - 05:09 pm EST : |
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It's bad enough I feel bad for the weeds I pull out, now I feel guilty for the plants I kill because I should never have bought them in the first place.
Very clever. I think we can all relate here. It's kind of like the gardener's version of the children's book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein - sort of.
Loretta
- NJ,
Zone "6"
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Heathergirl
My Favorite Photo
| | Posted on Friday, January 26, 2007 - 05:23 pm EST : |
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Quite an amusing article, John. I think we all test the limits of what we can reasonably expect to thrive in our own gardens. Of course, that's all part of the fun. As long as we know what we are letting ourselves in for. My motto is, when in doubt, leave it. Go home and do a bit of research; if I'm still keen, then try it. That way, if it doesn't work, I've only myself to blame.
Heathergirl
- County Durham,
Zone "8"
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Susanq
My Favorite Photo
My Garden Journal
My Weather
My Garden
My Time
| | Posted on Friday, January 26, 2007 - 10:35 pm EST : |
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An entertaining article, John. If only plants could talk to us :)
SusanQ - Zone 4b-5b Wisconsin |
Greth
| | Posted on Saturday, January 27, 2007 - 02:30 am EST : |
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I know the sentiment very well. I worked in a garden centre in Port Hedland - subtropical, temps into the 120Fs in summer, never below 70F in winter...
As our centre belonged to a chain of stores, they sent us the same plants they were sending to cool temperate zones in winter! (it is in the catalogue, every store must have it) I believe some of the violets lasted nearly a day at 110F! And we were expected to sell the things with enthusiasm and sincerity!!!
Greth
- South Australia,
Zone "?"
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Digger
My Favorite Photo
My Garden Journal
My Weather
My Garden
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 31, 2007 - 08:59 pm EST : |
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I agree, it is entertaining. Reckon I shouldn't mention our plants talk to me. That would be crazy. Can't repeat what they tell me in mixed company anyway.....
Digger
- Montana,
Zone "4b/5a"
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John57
My Weather
My Garden
My Time
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 31, 2007 - 09:52 pm EST : |
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I certainly would not admit that if I were you...
and, on the record, I would say I have a very good friend who is a consulting psychiatrist for very strange cases...
but, off the record, [I'm not saying this because I'm on the record. You understand, don't you!] I would suggest that you write me personally and I'll tell you what my dormant hosta said last night.....
John57
- Oklahoma,
Zone "7a"
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Digger
My Favorite Photo
My Garden Journal
My Weather
My Garden
| | Posted on Thursday, February 01, 2007 - 09:18 am EST : |
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LOL, our hosta were saying something to me yesterday....
Does your psychiatrist friend have a good therapist to consult once he starts conversing with our plants. They always decide talking with our plants is more interesting (and sane) than talking to me :)
Digger
- Montana,
Zone "4b/5a"
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Lovinlife
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 31, 2007 - 01:33 pm EST : |
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Me: I *always* ask my plants where they would like to have been planted, and they always answer with, "Exactly where you put me."
Plants: Yeah, right!
Lovinlife
- Utah,
Zone "5"
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Lovinlife
| | Posted on Monday, August 20, 2007 - 01:40 pm EST : |
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I brought three of these home in pots from Canada a few years ago. One of them actually lived and bloomed the next year -- but only for one season and then it was gone. It was worth more than the trouble I went to getting them back home.
Lovinlife
- Utah,
Zone "5"
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Growit
My Favorite Photo
My Weather
| | Posted on Monday, August 20, 2007 - 05:54 pm EST : |
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Oh John if only they could talk. So many of my customers won't listen when I tell them it won't grow there!
Its too sunny/shady/dry/moist/wet/cold/warm.
I wouldn't get the blame if they could speak for themselves.
Growit
- Hampshire,
Zone "8/9"
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Junglebug
| | Posted on Thursday, February 28, 2008 - 01:14 am EST : |
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Hehe. Entertaining read John! And this thread is hilarious! And Loretta I feel bad pulling up my weeds too! They have a certain beauty to them and I love how moist and cool the ground gets underneath them. A perfect creature cove.
Junglebug
- Idaho,
Zone "5-6"
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Valia
 Supporting Member
| | Posted on Thursday, February 28, 2008 - 08:49 am EST : |
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Excellent thread, John. I'm sorry I missed it before, and am grateful to Sarah for bringing it to my attention.
Location, location, location!
On a related subject: there have been times when when I had good luck with house plants. Sometimes people would ask, "How do you keep your rabbit's foot fern so lush and green?" The answer? "Find a spot it likes and leave it there."
Being a contrary soul, I often reject the advice of garden columnists, buy sick-looking house plants and try to nurse them back to health. It's sad when it doesn't work, but I feel like I've made a friend for life when it does. And it gives me some tales to tell, though they are usually so long that nobody cares to hear them.
Watch out for white fly, though!
Anne
Valia
- UT (winter) WA (summer),
Zone "8 and 5"
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