| Posted on Friday, July 29, 2005 - 05:38 pm: |   |
Wayne comes home tomorrow, and I know I'll feel so much better. Today is the most difficult day so far, and it started off on a positive note! Well, fairly positive. Solomen slept on my pillow so I was stuffed up and had to take allergy medicine with breakfast.
It's cooler today, thank goodness.
But I don't feel like doing anything now, and would love to step out of my body and mind if I could, just to have some comfort. My body hurts (didn't help when I walked into the sofa and caught my toe) and my ears are ringing from stress.
I went to the hospital last night and Mom's bed is curtained off now. This waiting is so difficult. I told Mom I was there, took her hand. I read her chart, sat with her for a little while, and left without saying goodbye. And I don't think I have the energy to go back up tonight. Maybe... I usually go every second day...
But losing Mom this way has affected all three of us daughters in so many different ways. Boni's husband is off to see family tomorrow. He'll be gone for two weeks. My other sister is a widow.
And other problems are so difficult to deal with right now. I had no idea this would be so hard.
I know this is not what the gardening journal is all about. Thank goodness the flowers continue to bloom when all I do is water them. I'm so far behind in weeding and find I just can't go out and work in any of the gardens.
We have new furniture coming this week so I've been going through all sorts of stuff and finding it somewhat cathartic.
Still waiting for my hydrangeas to completely bloom, so I'll know what colors they are. Will take the camera out and do a little walk around... and not look at the weeds... |
| Posted on Saturday, August 06, 2005 - 03:29 am: | |
Gosh, a whole week later, and so much has happened. Mom was flown to Vancouver and had surgery on a carotid cavernous fistula. Surgery was a success, but I don't know what kind of change it will make to Mom's life. The surgeon who operated called me this morning and said Mom was chatty but muddled. That's actually an improvement. Of course he was more concerned with her eyes, his whole reason for operating. We're just waiting for the helicopter to bring her back to the hospital here.
It's very warm in the Valley at the moment. Saps my energy. And our blooms seem to be so early this year. I could hear leaves falling off the Trumpet Vine and it sounded like Fall.
Am reading Harry Potter right now. A lovely distraction!!
But am bushed. I'm off to bed. |
| Posted on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 06:39 am: | |
Finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. My goodness... Harry is growing up. But I hadn't read the reviews and was shocked. Actually, if I'd any idea what was going to happen I wouldn't have read it right now.
It's been so hot, and my flowers and leaves are scorched. Looks like we have one more day of this before it begins to cool a bit. I'm aware that living where there are four seasons is very important to me, and I look forward to Fall (even though I don't wish my time away).
I keep thinking that next summer will be so much different than this. We had some big projects, and the foundation is still only half done. I haven't started on the outside painting, and think now it's going to have to be put off for another year. There just isn't time.
Mom is back, and the surgery seems to have sped up the brain atrophy, although it had to be done. We are expecting her to die at any time now, and she wants to go. Mom said she was going to stay at the house for only a year after our step-dad died. When I asked her where she planned to go, she wouldn't answer. It's August 14 now. He died last year on August 20.
My house is upside down because the wrong furniture was sent (after we waited 2 months for it to be built) and the tv table has a damaged shelf, so we have to wait for it be replaced before the living room goes back together.
I feel like I'm in limbo everywhere.
I continue to be grateful to Ej for offering such a peaceful and beautiful and friendly place for me to come ... a safe place to enjoy as much as I want. |
| Posted on Thursday, August 18, 2005 - 01:07 pm: | |
I'm off for lunch with my girlfriend today, at a little German place that we all love so much. Just us two, which is really nice, and it makes the day special.
Mom was much worse yesterday. Boni and I went up to her house and had a nice look around. We checked out her albums and were absolutely delighted to find that she has saved so much art work from little ones, over the years (even her youngest brother back in the late '30's and 40's) and newspaper clippings when any family had their picture taken or was honored in some way. Mom had birth announcements and obituaries, adoptions and so much more. After seeing Mom during the day, both Boni and I had the opportunity of 'seeing' Mom, once again, the way she always was, and we laughed a lot. I took the albums to Boni's, where more people can browse them as time goes on.
I'll check on Mom after lunch, but have a feeling that today, my birthday, may be the day.... |
| Posted on Sunday, August 21, 2005 - 02:32 pm: | |
Well, I made it through my 'Kaarawan day' (Tagalog for birthday) without incident and yesterday, our youngest daughter and son-in-law came with me to the hospital to see Mom. I respect their opinions (SIL works only with extended and palliative patients). We also talked with the RN looking after Mom and we all now have a much better idea of what is going on. Mom is in Isolation again, so we have to gown up, glove...
SIL split the wood in the new wood pile and our youngest weeded and painted the front fence (Wayne is still trying to decide if he likes it). I so enjoyed their company, and had a chance to 'bond' with baby, who kicked up a storm when Val came in and sat down for a bit. It is exciting (no idea if it's a boy or girl, but a lot of guessing!).
Val was surprised about my hydrangea too. It's only one plant. I know that because it came from Boni's. But it blooms blue on the east side of the bush, and pink on the west side.
Today the sky is overcast but I expect it will clear. We're going to our nieces to visit family (and have a look at her wonderful garden) and our son and his youngest (one of our grand girls) is coming up later today from down Island.
I know I've mentioned before that I journal every day, and have pretty much since 1963. It's not 'perfect', whatever that is. Sometimes I will look back in a journal and see that I didn't write about a huge event at all, most probably because it was painful or upsetting. I write for me, and say whatever needs to come out, and I never question it.
This journal here is meant to be a gardening journal, and I feel like a phoney lately, a lot, because there is not a whole lot of gardening going on at my house. My plants are watered, and the weeding is hit and miss, but I'm just not looking after the property like I used to. (Boni has had the same pattern, and, in a way, I found it comforting to know that I'm not the only one struggling with mental fatigue.)
I have started comments for other gardenbuddy posts, and then not been happy with it and deleted. I've emailed Ej to remove a comment because I wasn't comfortable with it. (I'm struggling with this.)
And now it feels like the right time to change my approach to dealing with this mental fatigue and the family dynamics that either support us, or drag us down. I don't want to isloate myself, and it would be so easy to do that, so I really must deal with all this stress in a different way.
So I apologize.
I have met so, so many friendly and caring people here, who are willing to open doors to all of us, so we can see parts of their lives. And it feels so good to be part of this huge group.
These are my thoughts for today ... not gardening thoughts. |
| Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 03:04 am: | |
We've torn the deck apart, so the Christmastime rhodo is coming out, and smoke bush (which is about 12 feet tall), almost all the Boston Ivy (my laughing monks are already in the house for the wi...season), the Sweet Peas, trellises.. Everything had to be cut back so the new deck could be built. We need to change a few parts of the house, inside and out, so there is less maintenance. We hadn't planned to do the deck this year, but were faced with sanding and painting again, just to do it all again next year.
So, a few projects have been delayed a little. Wayne, of course, still jumps at the chance to go fishing, but the big projects will all be done this year. There's still foundation work to complete, but I can cut back the hostas and ferns now so they will no longer be 'in the way'.
It's been a busy summer, with promises for next summer to be a little more relaxing. Hopefully we will have some days where we're occupied with grand children (my favorite past time!). And I want to stay on top of the gardening more next year.
And now, with these big plants coming out of the garden on the north side of the house, I can replant with something entirely new and change the whole look. What will I put in there? Hmmm ... And thinking of removing most of the day lilies along the back of the shop too. It's quite overgrown ...
Meanwhile, I'm planning to go 'down Island' and buy more Spring bulbs. I'd like more double snowdrops. They are the first blooms at my house and it's just wonderful when they poke out of the ground and greet us!
Am off to bed. Must sleep tonight! |
| Posted on Thursday, September 15, 2005 - 12:57 am: | |
I have a few photos to edit and will post, but just not up to it tonight. We had our oldest daughter here last Friday, over night ... wonderful. And then son and family (all three grand girls!!) here on Saturday for the Fair. All three girls look so different from the last time we saw them. Even Sierra, with her short hair now!
We've been moving everything out of Mom's house and getting it ready to sell. Have had a home inspection done, and had three realators come through. The painting starts on Monday and we'll have a garage sale some time this month.
I ended up feeling quite ill on ?? have lost track of days. Boni is in the same condition .. I think it's a 'flu, but it could be exhaustion as well. Mom is in worse shape now than ever and I don't understand how she is 'hanging on'.
We have to wait another couple of weeks for the railing to come for the deck, and my new dresser should be here by then. It will be nice to see some things actually finished here.
Thank goodness Wayne is retired. He has worked at Mom's house this week, while I've been too ill to go out, and he's pretty good at warming up frozen home-made soup (thank goodness I made lots and put it in the freezer).
I had a little walk around the yard today, and took a few photos. Maybe tomorrow I will do some editing. We had planned to go out of town this week. Not going to happen. And we have a repairman coming tomorrow for the problem with the dishwasher. I can tell you how the house slopes!!
And thank goodness for gardenbuddies, who keep me in touch with the world, and show me the beauty and humor and resilience that still exists in the face of disaster, sorrow and loss. And shows all of us the enduring nature of this world. |
| Posted on Saturday, October 01, 2005 - 02:56 am: | |
This month just disappeared. Our youngest turned 32 and just told us that she is 'full term' on October 6th!!! We are so close to new baby arriving on the scene!!
We have our big garage sale at Mom's tomorrow, and I still want to move Mom's Duchess of Edinburgh clematis to my garden. Will have to do that very soon.
I picked tomatoes today, carrots and potatoes (am making chowder), and thought I'd snap a photo of our potatoes this year. They're huge! Funny, actually, how well everything grew even though I didn't look after the vegetable garden like other years. Next summer will be different.
My Sharifa Asma rose is still blooming, the brug is about to bloom, the hydrangea blooms are still bright in the front garden... nice. But the shadows are much longer and the days are so much shorter. Time just flew...!
Here's the potatoes..
And the Sharifa Asma..
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| Posted on Saturday, October 01, 2005 - 07:47 am: | |
Your grandgirls are just beautiful Diane.I had to tell you. |
| Posted on Monday, October 03, 2005 - 01:43 am: | |
Thank you, Monique.
Yesterday the weather was just beautiful, sunny and dry, and the garage sale was a huge success. Not only that, that it was so good for the three of us (sisters). And it was so much fun! We were serenaded and teased, and so many people had a little something kind to say about Mom and Roy. When we left, there was a finality to it all, and it was sad, but good.
But it was so much fun!! Even people who didn't mean to be funny actually were. One fellow bought one of the recliner chairs. He had to go home for a vehicle and then come back to pick it up. As he was leaving, my older sister said, "Thank you, and have a nice afternoon!" He replied, "I'll try, but I'm married!"
One little boy, about 9 or so, came with his aunt. He had some change in his hand and he looked at the teddy bears, etc. We had things in the garage, in the gazebo, and then on the patio in the back yard. When he came through and saw the sofa and chair (an older, but still comfortable, in good condition, kind of floral patterned set) he asked how much it was, as he took the twenty dollar bill out of his pocket. Boni looked at it and him, and said, "Why, it's twenty dollars!" He asked if he could buy it and she told him he could. His eyes lit up and he declared, "I want to buy it for my grandmother. She's going to be so happy!" And his family came later to pick it up, and they were just as delighted as he was.
It's been such a different summer and now fall, but I'm hoping to get a better perspective on what I want to do. Of course we're so excited about the new baby coming. We're meeting up with the expectant couple on Tuesday. I have the knitted outfits, and the tiny little knitted sweater set I made to bring baby home from hospital, and all the newborn clothes have been stored here. I have a couple of things from Mom's, also, to pass on to our youngest.
I thought I'd pop in the photo of our youngest grand girl when she was here in August and Poppa and her dad and step-mom went out to the water bombers. It was a big day for her, even in the rain. She's sitting in the cockpit! Wow!
And we all went to the Fall Fair! Rebekah was making a face, and I didn't get my hand away fast enough. And Poppa is bent, so he is actually taller than Cynthia...but not for long, by the looks of it!
And fall is definitely here. My Sharifa Asma roses want to keep on blooming, but the sedum is already changing color. I love the sun and shadow effect.
And someone is feeling left out... Must give Solomen more attention...
 |
| Posted on Friday, October 07, 2005 - 07:35 pm: | |
Pleasant west coast fall colors... a lovely day!
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| Posted on Saturday, October 15, 2005 - 01:15 pm: | |
My Brugmansia is finally blooming! Now what do I do? We are so close to hard frost and there are two dozen buds wanting to open still.. Maybe the plant is small enough to dig out and bring up to the house, or, perhaps I will have to take some cuttings and plant the Brug in a different area of the garden next year.
We seem to have one fairly nice day now, and then the next is just miserably wet (like yesterday). Fortunately we had a day nice enough to finish up the deck, get the railings on. Only problem is that the top of the railing is round. Two cats thought they'd jump up and sit on top .... It was a shock for both of them, and the railings are aluminium so they couldn't even dig in claws to help themselves from failing.
The boat is winterized and Wayne's fishing buddy is back in Mexico for the winter.
We're hoping to cut the grass once more. And poor Wayne still has foundation work to finish before he can close up the bottom of the house again.
Yesterday we went to my cousin Shirley's service. Barry came with all three grand girls. That was wonderful. It was so nice to see everyone, but heartwrenching too.
Lots of tears.
So far there is no rain today. I cut back the begonias, so perhaps today I'll deal with what I can in the garden.
The Fall colors were just gorgeous yesterday. The maple tree on the shore of Cameron Lake was just perfect, and the rain was coming down fast and furious. Another time, I will get that photo... |
| Posted on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 - 03:49 am: | |
Today I dug up the begonias. I'll dry them and put them in a nice cool, safe place in the house and then promptly forget where they are. Next Spring the hunt will be on. I do it every year.
Wayne has almost finished the cement work for the foundation for the house. He still has some building to do before he can put the siding back up, but it's coming along. Tomorrow he's busy with contract negotiations, retirees luncheon, etc. The truck is back in the shop (and luncheon is right across the road from there .. couldn't have worked out better).
I'm off to Nanaimo with Boni. She has an emergency appointment with the eye specialist. What a time she has had with her vision! What a worry! (And then her 11 year old grand son broke his arm and there was a huge mix up between the hospital here - where they couldn't treat him - and the one where they would operate). Tonight he is home with his arm set, but he is very upset that he will not be playing hockey for a while.
Mom ... I hardly recognize her now. And I was going to go up to the hospital and catch the doctor on his morning rounds, but decided against it. I know what he will say.
I didn't take my camera to Boni's today, but wish I had. She has so many toad lilies blooming. I'm always seeing things I wish I had in my garden. Perhaps next year.
Bushed ...
This is Nibbs, She figured out how to sit on the new railing.
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| Posted on Saturday, October 22, 2005 - 05:48 am: | |
I was headed up to our hospital on the 19th, wednesday to see Mom, when our youngest called to say she was heading for the hospital in Victoria. We threw a couple of bags together (baby was due on October 27 so I thought I had more time. After all, it's our daughter's first baby!) We stayed in Victoria over night Wednesday, and then stayed at the hospital until baby Soleil was born Thursday evening. What excitement, and I had so much fun holding him and just marvelling at him. Val is fine, tired, but very happy, and Conrado is so proud of Val, and so proud of baby Soleil.
It was a nice drive down and back, but I didn't take any photos (although there were some lovely opportunities.)
It's nice to be back home to sleep in our own beds. We will wait a bit and then go back down and visit all of them at home.
Barry has a big bon fire planned at his house tomorrow night! Sounds like fun! I imagine he knows how to make a big fire! He's a fireman! His girls will enjoy this!
Am exhausted and ready to close my eyes.
Will add these two photos here, even though I posted in Social gallery..
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| Posted on Wednesday, October 26, 2005 - 02:31 am: | |
Time just flies!
About gardening ... I did manage to get my Spring bulbs planted. Got Mom's trilliums in. The Brugmansia is blooming away and is gorgeous! I hope the frost holds off for a little while longer. We are so lucky this Fall that it's been so mild. And I haven't checked on the Brussel sprouts yet, to see if we get any or if the bugs have had a feast. Next year I really must take better care of the vegetable garden. We don't have our potatoes out of the ground yet, although I did braid the onions.
I got my car back today. As we were returning from Victoria, after seeing Baby Soleil's arrival, the windshield on my car was smashed by a rock. We were so lucky, actually, that it wasn't worse. I left all the glass on the dash because I knew more would fall out when the glass was replaced. So, that was today. I have one very clean window on my car!!
Mom and baby are just fine. Actually, I missed the gathering of the clan. Our son and his family were at the hospital at the same time as our oldest daughter. We have a photo of all four grandchildren together. We're just missing two older step-grandgirls. Will have to see what we can do about that.
On a serious note, Mom seems to be at a plateau at the moment. And Boni has developed a frightening problem with her vision. I took her down Island last week to see an eye specialist but he was a total waste of time. We were uncomfortable with the appointment from the beginning. He was the doctor who told mom, when she developed double vision, to just relax and her vision would right itself in 6 weeks. And we've heard more stories since. Now Boni is heading off to another specialist. I hope there will be some answers and treatment.
But I'm fine. Get my hair done tomorrow!!! I'm ready to cut it myself!!
The foundation work is coming along. All the cement work is done! Yahoo!
Time for my book and bubble bath.
Sometimes there seem to be so many things that are out of my control but affecting my life all going on at the same time, and I wonder how I will manage to get through everything. And then there are times when so much is right with the most important parts of my life, and I realize I must just be very, very grateful for that. That is where I am right now. And I need to stop holding my breath, and just relax with it.
We're heading back down Island the end of this week, and I will soak up more time with little Soleil! |
